Battle of the Brainiacs
by hollyivy7
Summary: Otto Malpense meets Artemis Fowl, one boy genius to another. Saying they don't really get along at first is a huge understatement. Pairings TBD. Dark humor. PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Nero vs Natalya

DISCLAIMER: Neither Artemis Fowl nor H.I.V.E belong to me.

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"Artemis Fowl is publicly known as a 13-year-old genius. He has one of the highest IQs in all of Europe. In certain circles, however, he is known as a ruthless criminal, willing to do anything for gold," Natalya recited.

Artemis Fowl…Where had he heard that name before? The Headmaster of H.I.V.E searched his memory. Nero questioned, "Parents?"

She replied promptly, "Angeline Fowl and Artemis Fowl the First."

He leaned back in his chair, impressed. Fowl Senior was one of the H.I.V.E's success stories. He had achieved an international reputation as a powerful tycoon who didn't take "no" for an answer. Fowl Sr. was also the head of a criminal empire that stretched worldwide.

"Status?"

"Artemis Fowl Senior was declared missing after a business trip to Russia. Angeline Fowl is currently…indisposed. There are rumors that since the Fowl Star sank, she has not been entirely sane," Natalya's eyes flickered.

"What else do you have on Fowl the Second?"

The Russian girl's voice only held a shred of hesitance, "He has an Interpol file. An active one. And as the heir to the Fowl Fortune, Artemis Fowl has already secured an estimated 12 million pounds in the two years his father has been gone."

Nero barely withheld a sharp intake of breath but could not hide his widened eyes. He narrowed his eyes, "Keep a close watch on him, Raven. A very close one."

Natalya nodded sharply and added one last comment before leaving, "His bodyguard is one of the top three martial artists in the world. It is going to be difficult to enroll Artemis Fowl inH.I.V.E if he is against it."

Nero clenched his teeth. The boy wasn't even here yet, and he was already causing trouble. Worse than Otto and Wing put together!

"Take an extra team," the headmaster finally said.

She slipped her mask on and stepped into the shadows.

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Thousands of miles away, a dark-haired boy sneezed. "Must be a cold," he told Butler.

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Review please! About anything: comments, suggestions, criticisms, questions, confusions.


	2. Natalya vs Juliet

Robert Stark was quite an unremarkable man. He had an average appearance, an average personality, and a slightly below average intelligence. The only thing special about him was his physical abilities. You see, ever since little Robert Stark was a boy, he had been marvelously good at sports. His athleticism, along with his willingness to follow orders, made him perfect as a henchman. And that was good, because a henchman was exactly what Robert was.

Recently graduated from the Higher Institute of Villainous Education, he was on his first field mission. As a newbie, Robert was reasonably nervous. But being a novice was not the only thing worrying him. No, Robert was also incredibly anxious about the number of people going on this mission. Three teams of seven people each! And even Raven, the legendary warrior was on this trip, though he hadn't seen her yet. This was almost unheard of! The last time they had taken so many agents, they were infiltrating the house of a president of a small country. Currently, Robert was regretting his decision of going into the villainy business. Evil was supposed to be elegant black capes and world domination. Not what he was doing right now.

Along with 6 other men, he was skulking through a shadowy hallway of the Fowl Manor. They were supposed to capture a kid named Artemis Fowl, but the teams had yet to see a single person. The mansion seemed to be completely deserted, a ghost town of riches worn down. It was eerie here, completely silent and scary in a haunted house fashion. This was why, when Robert heard a loud CRACK!, he jumped a foot high.

"What was that!" he whispered frantically, only barely remembering to keep quiet.

The other men were equally baffled, scanning up and down the corridor. Suddenly, another young recruit let out a sharp gasp. With a shaking arm, he pointed to a tall, ominous looking shadow on the wall, that loomed over the team. Everyone immediately readied their stun guns and tensed into battle position - only to let out sighs of relief. A black, blue-eyed cat sauntered from behind a corner, meowing innocently. The team leader, a man named Keven Planters, laughed, "Is this what got you all riled up? An itty bitty kitty?"

A tall, muscle-bound man stepped in front of them. He had tattoos all over his body and a menacing smile on his face. "That itty bitty kitty just happens to be Artemis Fowl's pet. And this is Artemis Fowl's home. So let me ask you, and you better answer while I'm in a good mood, what are you trying to do? "

Robert swallowed hard and forced himself to stand strong. "We're going to take him, of course. And you can't stop us. There's seven of us and only one of you!" he shouted. Robert stopped briefly. Hey, he sounded pretty cool! He should write that speech down somewhere before he forgot it.

The man remained unimpressed. "Don't say I didn't warn you," he cracked his knuckles. "Prepare for a world of hurt."

A few minutes later, when Robert was getting his face lovingly smashed into a mahogany cabinet, he thought absently, _That was a good line. "Prepare for a world of hurt."_

_ I should use that._

_

* * *

_

Natalya made a graceful landing from the top of the staircase to the bottom floor. She had assumed that the target would be on the second floor and so had broken in through the second floor window. Apparently not. Now she would have to search the whole mansion. What a bother.

Clapping. Slow, obnoxious claps, like thunder in the silent house.

Natalya turned her head sharply to the source of the noise. A velvet curtain, blocking out rays of sunlight. She wrinkled her nose. What... A dark figure was leaning on the wall beside the window.

"That was an impressive jump!" commended the figure, high voice dipped in sarcasm.

Natalya mentally cursed herself for not noticing the person. She must be getting rusty. Although, Natalya didn't sense any presence... She placed her hand on the hilt of her sword.

"Speak!" the girl commanded from behind her mask. "Who are you?"

The stranger was walking toward her, and now she could see her clearly. A blond girl dressed in capris and a sequined t-shirt, around Natalya's age. The pretty girl was chewing gum and now blew a large pink bubble. "The name's Juliet. Who are you?" she asked cheerfully.

Natalya sniffed, "That is none of your business. Get out of my way before I hurt you." She would have normally taken the girl out right away, but something prickled at her senses. Her intuition screamed _Danger! Danger!_

"It's my business when someone decides to break into my house," Juliet's eyes turned cold. She smirked, "And I doubt you could hurt me." With this remark, she sprang from her corner to attack Natalya.

_She is fast! _the masked girl noted with shock. She barely managed to block the blond girl's - no, Juliet's, attack. Natalya felt the corners of her lips turn up. An equal.

She hadn't had one of those in a long, long time.

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Apologies for not updating for so long; I had a lack of inspiration. To make up for it, here's a much longer update to tide any people still reading this over. A spunky reviewer spurred to me action, you know who you are.

About the tattooed man and the cat - guys, I never said that was Butler. He'll be a minor character, no worries. Unless you actually like OCs...

Also, remember, Artemis is 13 in this story. It's AU and some things will be changed. Like no magic, sorry if that's not what you like. PS. The titles? The very theme of this story is conflict. So, small power struggles will be taking place throughout the chapters. Some fights will be verbal and others physical. ^^

Thank you for the reviews! Review more please!


	3. Artemis vs Robert

**Warning: Description of non-graphic torture, use of one profanity, and Artemis generally being a sociopath. This is where it gets T, kiddies. If you get queasy real easy, skip the first section.  
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Robert awoke suddenly, jerking up - only to realize that he was in a sticky situation indeed. His arms were handcuffed to a sturdy-looking pole and his legs bound with rope. As if that weren't bad enough, he was sitting alone in an ominously bare room with gray walls and a flickering ceiling light.

"Oh good," said a voice, "you're awake."

Dread settling into the bottom of his stomach, Robert recalled a particular lesson that he had not paid much attention to in class - Interrogation Tactics 101. Most "good guys" considered inquisition beneath them so Robert had never bothered to learn it. Well, as they said, hindsight was 20/20.

Polished leather shoes stepped close enough to him that he could see their gleam but just far enough that he could not hope to touch the owner. Robert looked up slowly and blinked.

"Artemis Fowl the Second?" he said incredulously, recognizing his target. And, Robert gulped, an extremely _large_ and bald man, most likely a bodyguard.

"What a pity," sighed the boy. "You are obviously familiar with my name, and no doubt, your reasons for intruding into the Fowl Manor. It seems that I am the only one excluded from this network of knowledge. Pray, tell me good sir, let us have an exchange of information. Who sent you?"

Robert remained stubbornly silent, small mind working furiously. This was definitely the kid that they were after. If the stark resemblance to the outdated intel photos and the open admission weren't sufficient, the glib and educated speech was the clincher. Artemis Fowl was destined to be an Alpha.

After a minute, he was prompted again. "I'm not a very patient man," the boy warned with a glint in his eye. "It would be in your best interests to respond. I cannot guarantee your well being and or sanity otherwise." As if cued, the giant cracked his knuckles.

Robert let out a snort. The kid was thirteen. Even if he was an accepted candidate for the Higher Institute of Villainous Education, no pubescent boy had the guts to torture a man. Robert acknowledged the bluff; Artemis Fowl II managed to seem serious about the whole thing.

Fowl sighed again, this time almost mournfully. "I was hoping it wouldn't come to this," he said and gestured towards his bodyguard.

Robert paled at the sight of the man lumbering closer to him.

_It's a bluff; he only wants to get you scared._

"Butler," ordered Fowl, "his fingers, one by one."

_It's a bluff, it's a bluff, it's a bluff!_

A cruel smile that would not be out of place on a murderer and Robert realized that this was no bluff and this kid was batshit crazy; he was going to be tortured, where did his life go wrong-

"Start with the pinky."

"_No!_"

* * *

"I think that went well," said Artemis after Butler had finished dragging the gibbering henchman out of the room.

Butler frowned - lately he was always frowning - and said quietly, "Was that necessary?"

"Naturally, dear friend. How else would we have gotten the information? Negotiations fell through - it was the most efficient method," replied Artemis a tad sharply. He turned to exit the room.

"Artemis. Were you really going to go through with it?" asked Butler to his charge's back. When Artemis ordered him to break the man's fingers, Butler had halted for a millisecond. Things had not been right since Artemis Fowl Senior had gone missing, but he had always believed there was good in Artemis. Lately, the good appeared to be buried deeper than ever before.

Artemis paused by the doorway. With bated breath, his faithful bodyguard awaited his answer.

Finally, he let out a short laugh. "Why, of course not, Butler. I'm surprised that you would think so low of me!" said Artemis as he left.

Butler nodded decisively but could not shake off the image of empty, dark, dark eyes.

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Author's Note: Uh, so, yeah...I'm not going to bother with excuses. It's been a long time and wow is this story going toward a different direction. For those of you who like it - good. For those who don't, things will get lighthearted eventually. Like, probably the next chapter with Juliet and Natalya.

REVIEW please. (wait a second, do I even have readers anymore? I'm not sure...)


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